Legendary actor/raging old coot Charlton Heston has finally bit the proverbial bullet. Heston, seen here cozying up to the NRA membership, managed to live 84 full years without once needing to raise a well-regulated militia. He passed away at his beachfront home, after being under the care of his personal physician, Dr. Zaius. His final words were something about those "damn dirty apes."
Heston began busting caps in Hollywood's ass in 1950 with his first feature film. From that point on, he managed to hit up several legendary roles, such as Moses, Ben-Hur, Michaelangelo, and Comic Relief in Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine.
As far as our Death Pool is concerned, we now have a full-fledged competition on our hands. The Kiss of Death is now tied for first with Bruce's rag-tag team of diseased misfits, but with only a 1-point lead on the rest of the pack, we could be just a wild coke party away from having a new leader. Hey, has anyone heard from Amy Winehouse lately? Kiss of Death co-owners released a statement upon hearing of Heston's demise:
When we signed Charlie, this is the kind of performance we expected of him. Everyone knew he had this type of talent in him, and we are pleased to see him reach his demise in a Kiss of Death uniform. It's only April, but every death counts, and we expect to be on top of the pile of bodies come December.
2 comments:
Charlton Heston's death, much like the long anticipated death of Leni Riefenstahl, proves the old adage, "Only the good die young."
But lest we forget, everyone's favorite nonagenarian (I had to look it up too), Arthur C. Clarke, died on March 19th, making team DJ Valkyrie tied for first place with one point on the board. When asked for comment, the team said, "Ushering a literary giant like Arthur C. Clarke into Valhalla is a sober and serious event. His vision and imagination will be sorely missed." Julie was heard to add: "CHA-CHING!"
-D&J
It's worth noting that Albert Hoffman, inventor of LSD and draftee of the Dead Parrots, died yesterday, April 29th. So this makes 4 teams currently tied for first with one death each.
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