So you probably expected this to be a Corey Haim post, seeing as how he passed away and will now have an award named after him (more on that later). However we couldn't let the event go without mentioning the ghost of Mike Carroll.
Carroll backed out of the league this year after battling a chronic laziness, and as punishment, the Death Gods are taunting him by methodically killing off his entire '09 roster. To wit, his Icons of America Assassin team would be out to a commanding lead with 3 points already before the quarter-pole of the season, due to the deaths of Chemical Ali (1 point) and Corey Haim (2 points). We would be talking about his place in history, whether this season would be one for the ages. Instead, we're just remembering what a dumbass he is. Instead of a statue in his honor, he gets an unflattering picture of him eating pizza, and an sexual dysfunction joke. And yes, part of that motivation was to ensure that you could Google "Mike Carroll" and "sexual dysfunction" and guarantee results. Although guaranteeing results was the problem to begin with for him (cue rimshot!).
So congratulations, Mike Carroll, for leaving more on the proverbial table than any team before you. The Carroll Award shall now be given annually to the GM who fails to keep the most players who die the next year. In keeping with the spirit of the Carroll, if no GM qualifies, or a tiebreaker is needed, the award shall be given to the GM who is most disappointing in bed, as determined by a panel of ex-lovers.
In other news, Corey Haim died. We would write a long post in memorium, complete with bad puns and '80's references, but this one isn't a big deal to us. '80's child stars are much more Brock's area of expertise. The death is significant only in that it was such an obvious pick that it's an absolute travesty nobody picked him. We think it shows a) the need for expansion, and b) how little effort people put into their under-50 picks compared to the old folk. But from now on, the Corey Haim Award will be given to the most obvious under-50 death that nobody picked. Yes, there have been others in years past that would qualify, such as Brad Renfro, but Haim was an even more egregious oversight, and worthy of the award title. For those interested, the name of the award for most obvious over-50 death not predicted will likely be the Paul Bleeping Newman Award, unless a better one comes to mind.